Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I won and I am blown away!

I won!! I posted a question on Intuitive Goddess'  facebook and my name was drawn from her beautiful little pot. I was so giddy I was dancing around the living room. Bear with me I am typing this through tears.

I had never had a reading before but have always wanted one so I took my chance and threw my question into the mix. I have been reading her blog and how this lovely collection of people were going to be doing "Tarot on Tuesday" and though I missed my chance last week I was determined to put my question up this week. So my  question was "Will I be moving home to Arkansas soon?" Of course that's my question, it's my main goal right now.

Well it turns out that the Universe wanted me to hear a different message and one that I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear because I didn't know if I could handle it. Guess the powers that be decided it was time for me to hear it and that I was ready. And I am so grateful for them not listening to me and giving me what I truly needed. 

I was so amazing and profound and literally made me sit here with my mouth wide open and speechless. From the minute I was waiting to hear what they had to say I felt something glowing around me. I felt a peace that can't be described. So here is her reading and then I blog my heart out to all of it.

IntuitiveGoddess Hi Julia,
I begin my reading by meditating/automatic writing & then I throw down the cards.. In fairness to my fellow readers Althea &
Robin - I need to try & keep this short n sweet!
What I heard/saw during meditation may not refer to the question but somehow I think it is important to you...
Tx,Px, Fort Worth - Have you lived in Texas?
Army Brat?, military? a name like Chef? Cef, Cefulo? Could be
a nickname. Charlie... I think it's an expression again maybe connected to military? I'm sorry to ask, but have you lost someone in the military? I need to tell you, Thank You. 
I'm hearing the song - don't laugh folks.. Wedding Bell Blues - yeah it's an oldie - does it mean something? "I love you so, I always will"...
Why am I hearing Arkansas is not "home" - it's a bit confusing. Also in regards to Arkansa - colors like a crayola box, I know...Green Woods & Cherry Lane/lake? Not yet... When the leaves turn. Does someone
have a Large dog? Like a sheepdog maybe? Open roads & fresh air
Now to the cards - I pulled 3... We got 6 of Wands,3 of Swords, Seven of Swords.
6 of Wands - Although not quite there, you are close to acheiving your goal. "Eventually"
3 of Swords - Loneliness, feeling "homesick" -Overwhelmed. You may think that reaching your goal is futile but it's not
7 of Swords - This card confirms to me the sense of being a bit
overwhelmed & tired. I'm hearing you are bound by too many things 
& something needs to be "cleared" before you return to Arkansas.
I'm seeing alot of water around you - do you live by the water now? 
Would you live near a lake, river in Arkansas? 
Bottom line - Alot seems connected to work & a financial situation - does someone owe you something? Be patient. 
No, Not "soon" but in a time when the leaves fall.

.... Texas, had I ever lived there? Yes, I have. Chuck was in the Army and stationed at Fort Hood.

Have I lost anyone in the military? Though Chuck wasn't in the military when he passed, it was just a few short years after getting out that he passed and it was one of his greatest joys. He was always considered a military man even when he wasn't actually "in". 

We also lived up by Fort Worth for a while and that is where we spent our first wedding anniversary at a beautiful hotel there. One of our "couple stories" comes from that hotel. It is one we shared with everyone so I will share it again with all of you. My sister had won these weekend stay at the Worthington Hotel in Fort Worth and she gave it to Chuck and I as a first year anniversary gift. We had a wonderful time. On that Sunday before we left they were having a big continental breakfast that was part of our package deal. It was a full spread, anything and everything you could think of was available. One of the things was caviar. Neither of us had it before so we decided to give it a try. It was ok, not all that thrilling is what I thought. Chuck on the other hand made the most horrible face the minute it hit his tongue and I kind of laughed and looked away for a split second and when I looked back he wasn't chewing and the caviar was gone. I knew he didn't swallow it so where did it go? Now mind you this is a four star hotel and very high class per say. Though I was raised with the "proper way" of doing things Chuck was raised in the Bronx. Though I am not snobbish, at least not too much and definitely not as much as I used to be, I had a good idea of where that caviar had gone and it wasn't good. They had actual linen napkins, not paper, but linen. White linen. I looked at him sideways and asked..."where did it go? please tell me that you didn't just spit that out in a white linen napkin? " "Well I wasn't going to swallow it, that was gross." I just sat there staring at him, shaking my head. Just had to think to myself...I love you but oh my gosh I can't believe you did that. We laughed about it for years and I still laugh now. LOL 

Charlie..... Well we of course called him Chuck, but I would razz him by calling him Charlie because he hated it so much. He would give me that look that I loved so much. That look of "Woman, if you don't stop" and I would just laugh. 

...."Wedding Bell Blues" and "I love you so, and always will...". I am sure this was his way of telling me he loves me and always will. Oh to know that made me just ball my eyes out. He and I were also planning to redo our vows before he passed. I had links and pictures saved on my computer of the dress I had picked out and the invitation and every other little thing we wanted this time around. The first time was in Vegas and though we had family and friends there, it was done quickly because he was going out for a deployment in a month after our wedding and would be gone for six months. So we were going to do this one with all the bells and whistles and everything we wanted. 

.... large dog, like a sheepdog. I instantly knew what this was. Chuck had always said that he didn't look forward to seeing people that had passed when he got to the hereafter as much as he looked forward to seeing our dog Mufasa. Mufasa had a terrible accident with a choke collar and passed away while we were out of town for the Fourth of July and friends were watching him. Chuck never really got over losing Mufasa and missed him terribly. To this day I have Mufasas' toys in a special box. So I know he is with Mufasa now and I am sure he is running and playing with him to his heart content. Mufasa was a wolf with a bit of chow and had a mane that was beautiful. Very fluffy bear that was great to cuddle with. 

.....Arkansas, like crayola box...Green Woods and Cherry Lane/Lake. My little town in Arkansas was Green Forest and one of the main streets there is Cherry Street. There is a little family joke about that street actually. Little embarrassing for my eldest daughter so won't share the details, but definitely a street we would pass and smile because of the joke. Only street there actually that meant something to us like that. I always liked the houses on that street too. It was the street I used often to take a short cut. 

"Open roads and fresh air" most definitely. Something I miss so much about our little town. Open dirt roads that had the most beautiful canopy of trees over them. 

Arkansas is not technically my "home" as I was born in Missouri and raised here in San Diego. We visited my sister there once and fell in love with the place. When we got the chance we moved there. We moved to Virginia for a few years for the military but when that was over we went right back to Akransas because it was home to us. 

As for the card reading it was spot on as well. I'm still in shock and probably will be all day. My grandson keeps looking at me because I keep crying and then stopping and then crying all over again. I think he thinks I lost it. And I have and I am ok with that. 

Something needs to be "cleared" before going home. Most definitely. This house needs to sale before I can go anywhere. I definitely feel overwhelmed as I have a list a mile long of things I want to do to the house so it can sale quicker. Though the list has shortened over the past few months there are still a few more things. I can't afford to go home until this house sales. So a lot of it has to do with financial. Also one of the reasons for going home is money. Lot cheaper to live there than it is here and we are slowly drowning here and my parents have to help me all the time with money and being my the age I am that is really wearing me thin. I appreciate all their help but I can't stand it, drives me nuts. 

I'm extremely tired with everything going on, but I get up and push through it because I just have to, no other choice. I am definitely going to need a vacation when I do get back home.

I'm so giddy right now. I mean yeah I knew there was a hereafter and I knew Chuck was out there watching over me and I knew that someday he would come to me and let me know he was there but I wasn't expecting it today. He always said that he had to go first because he couldn't bare one day without me and I didn't think I could without him either, but for our girls I had to keep going. I always knew he would haunt me, always said he would. I have only had two dreams of him since his passing and each time I would wake up the minute I saw him and then cry my eyes out. The last time just a month or so ago and I remember whispering to him that night to please stay away from my dreams because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle seeing his face. So I guess he found a new way to talk to me till I am ready to see him in my dreams again. And I have to say for right now I liked this much better. LOL Though I cried it was joy this time, not pain or heartache, just joy!! 

My heart is at peace and it hasn't felt that way in almost three years.  I swore I wanted to go back to my house, he passed away in that house, in Akransas and rip it to the ground and reclaim my heart and say goodbye to him. But, I don't want to anymore. I don't care about that house, it's just wood and brick and wasn't the reason he passed away. My heart is here inside me not in that house, it was just waiting to feel peace again. And I don't want to say goodbye to Chuck. I just want to say rest peacefully my love and your love will live peacefully and in the end we will be together again, till then I love you with all my heart and soul!!!

I have to thank the Intuitive Goddess for what she has done for me today! You have touched me in more ways than I can ever express. You have blessed me with your amazing gift and I am in awe of your abilities. Again I say you are a blessing to me and will always have a very special place in my heart!!! Not to sound to corny but you are a part of my family now whether you like it or not LOL. You connected me with my love and that will always be cherished. I only hope that you will be greatly blessed even more than you already are!

Ok I have written a book and should get back to work chasing a two year old around until his mommy gets home which I am hoping is really soon. 

I still have a thousand thoughts and feelings run through me right now but I think I need to process it all and just let it be inside me for a little bit. 

Thank you again for the amazing reading!!

May your day be filled with smiles and blessings!!

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