Thursday, November 18, 2010

Letting go of worry....and some ramblings.

I'm a worrier! There I admitted it. lol Actually it can be quite horrible at times. I will make a simple mistake at work and I will beat myself up and worry about it for hours. Almost always it is something that no one even notices and I will realize that I worried for nothing. Or I will forget to do something and will worry about it until I rectify the situation. Like when I forget to put the time down for when a delivery was made. (which I can easily rectify by making a time up, only realizing this after this thought popped in my head)

For the last couple of days though and I really don't know why I started doing it, it just jumped into my head the first day and I have been going with it since. When I make a mistake, forget something, or just general worry creeps up the first thing that popped into my head was "What's the worst that could happen from this?" When I think about it for just a split second I realize that the result would be so trivial that it isn't worth the worry. Really nice to think that early on and not hours into worrying. Very liberating! 

I wonder though what made this thought pop in my head? Why now and not in the years past? I truly believe that it is because of the space I am in now. The peace I am finding within myself about the spiritual path I am walking. And just maybe the powers that be are helping me on my path. They are helping me see that there is a life of peace out there for me and I just have to believe. My belief is growing everyday and becoming stronger and stronger as the days go by. Not as many questions and worries about it, they are fading with each day. Thank the powers that be for that! Thank you for the peace!!

Some of you may have noticed and maybe no one has, but it is something that has been wanting to get out of my brain for a while. 
I sign most of my posts or comments with "May your day be filled with many smiles." I'm sure most people understand what I am trying to say and why smiles are so important. But, I wanted to give a little history behind it and why that saying became so important to me. 

In 2002 I had a very bad time in my life and was extremely depressed. Something I don't share with anyone is what took place in that year. I guess to some extent there is some shame attached with it, though thinking about that now makes no sense whatsoever. My late hubby was out to sea and my girls were both teenagers and we all know what that is like. Well one day I woke up and didn't see any reason to keep going. Needless to say I was forced to take a little "vacation". About a weeks worth with someone flashing a flashlight in my face every two hours to make sure I was still there and not doing something that I shouldn't. A weeks worth of someone checking to see how much I ate of my meals. If you haven't figured it out by now... I was in a psychiatric center. It's not a time I look back at too fondly but I have come to accept that it is exactly where I needed to be at the time. And also that I will never go back again. LOL Yes I can laugh a little about it now, NOW! 

As you can very well imagine it was a very dark time for me and while I was there and then the three weeks of partial (go in for the day and allowed to go home at night) following there wasn't a lot of smiles for me. Could have heard the funniest joke ever and I wouldn't have even cracked a smile. 

Well it was about a year after all that took place that I was writing an email to someone and was going to type the typical sign off when this saying popped into my head "May your day be filled with many smiles!". Yes it seems simple to have just one smile and maybe even many of them, but I learned that for some it may not be that easy to smile, including myself. 

Do I have many smiles a day now? You betcha!! I make sure of it. It is one way that helps me to make sure I never go back there again. The food isn't that good and sleeping is almost impossible. LOL One of the ways I make sure to smile is by turning up the stereo and sing along and act as goofy as possible when possible. Yes I am that dorky lady driving down the road singing to my hearts content and dancing while driving. Not only am I enjoying it, but I know how much of a dork I look like when I am doing it that I laugh at myself when the song is over. Maybe I need to go back in for a different reason this time? LOL

Not sure why I needed to share this but I know that I did. Heck maybe it will help someone to find their smiles again even if it is just one. They are will lead to many!! 

So as with every other day I sign off saying...

May your day be filled with many smiles!!

1 comment:

  1. Worrying is the worst kind of negative energy. It really is important to do whatever it takes not to worry - it's so funny because I used to be a worrier too, and then I too started saying "what's the worst that can happen?" After life hands you what it hands you a few times you start to realize how little control you have, so there is no point of worrying and risk putting all that negativity out there. I'd rather put off the worry until I have something concrete to worry about!