Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!!! 


May you have many blessings on this wonderful day!!!




Hugs

Sunday, October 24, 2010

It was a no good horrible day...


It wasn't that terrible, but I had that saying stuck in my head and that isn't the whole saying either. From a story or something that Becca used to say. 

I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. And I hate being sick. It has to be the most unproductive thing there is and there is nothing I can't stand more than to be unproductive. Everything I tried to do today just didn't seem to work out. Every clay piece I put in the over ended up burnt and I haven't burnt a piece since I started clay some seven years ago. So frustrating. 

My nose is what is driving me nuts. It itches so bad and nothing I do seems to help. I know it has to be allergies but even benedryl isn't helping. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. That me running around in circles screaming. 

The part that is frustrating me is that my body is in a shut down mode, not physically wanting to do anything, but my brain hasn't shut off once today. So many ideas going through my head on things to do and none of the energy to do them. 

I am also struggling with being a Pagan/Wiccan. So many of those things I grew up with seem to be haunting me of sort. It seems like my upbringing in mainstream Christianity closes my brain whenever I try to think any other way than the way I was taught. The thing of it is that I truly believe that this is the path I am supposed to be on.

It's those recordings that keep playing over and over again and I can't seem to erase them to let the new things in. Like the tape won't let me erase it. How does one go about erasing the tape? Sure many would say that it took 40+ years for those recordings to get in there and it will take some time to get them out. I just don't even know where to begin though. Where is the rewind button? Or maybe I don't rewind at all? Maybe I just start adding new recordings, one at a time and keep going till it will eventually replace an old recording. Maybe I should just begin with how I came to believe that this is the path for me. 

It actually begin with a movie, how corny and unreal does that sound? It's true though. 

It was in the movie "Stigmata" where the priest gets the translation of what she writes on the wall...

Jesus said... the Kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you, not in mansions of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood... and I am there, lift a stone... and you will find me. 

That statement hit me like a ton of bricks. That is where it all started for me. It made me see things differently. How could it be that God only visits churches? As the Bible says, he created the heavens and earths. Not that he created a nice building to the left for us to worship him at. Why would he want us sitting in some building that would obstruct us from seeing all the wonder that he created? That logically just doesn't make sense to me. 

From there the my thinking began to expand more and more. One of my sayings that I have had for a few years now is that "God only wants us to be nice and loving to each other". I don't think it was meant to be some points and balance system. I mean if you think about it, it really comes down to the bottom line. Be kind to each other, follow that and the rest of the rules don't need to be spoken. If you are being kind to someone you're not going to kill them, get my point? 

I did come to realize that I don't believe in organized religion. Man has distorted it so much and twisted it to his own wants that the original message has been lost. Through my searching if there were others that thought the same way I met a few that did think this way. Or at least came close to it.

The first was a wonderful lady I met while living in Virginia Beach. I loved the way she worded things and how she made statements that made it all so simple and not some trumped up way of thinking. It seemed so clear that it was simple. I didn't ask her what "religion" she followed, because that is an uncomfortable thing to ask. Every time I went to her house I always felt at peace. There was just something so welcoming and wonderful about her house that I never wanted to leave. I don't remember how it came up but eventually I found out she was Wiccan/Pagan. That went against everything that I was taught. "They" were supposed to be devil worshipers and a sleuth of other horrible things that I had ground into my head. How could I feel so connected and so at home in her house if that is what she was about? 

Needless to say I opened my mind a little and read here and there about her religion. I am always one to try to get as many facts about something before I place my opinion on it. Well besides the horrible recordings that go on in my head. I remember watching a show about a family that lived Pagan and how they seemed "normal" and wasn't all weird. Ok, so two examples of how this isn't as bad as everyone made it out to be. 

Then when I moved to California I met a now very dear friend and we talked about our beliefs and our raising. We both were raised in the same private schools and had many times in growing up that our paths should have crossed and didn't. I dated a guy her best friend dated in high school. I went to church with her ex-husband. The list keeps going on and on. As we talked we found that we shared a lot of the same beliefs. Then I found out she was Pagan.  Ok, what the heck? Why do I always seem to find someone I share the same beliefs with and they are Pagan? As my dear friend said to me one day "Julia, you are more Pagan than you think."  And that is when I really started to take to heart that this just might be the path I am supposed to be on. Heck I'm already on it, just have to start acting on it. 

Each of these times I would get close to taking the first step to walking this path but the horrible recordings would come in and it would be destroyed and I would run away from it. Like I would burn in hell if I even ventured down the road even a little. And on the subject of hell. Do I think there is some little devil out there that tries to get me to do the bad things in life. NO!! I think as humans we either make the choice to do the right thing or the wrong thing, we can't blame every wrong thing we do on some other entity out there. It's basically a way of not claiming it as our own mistake. Problem with society today to begin with. Well I was distressed and that's why I killed my spouse. Yeah that's it. Blame someone or something else. That always seems to work in making yourself a better person. NOT!!

I just had an epiphany. Why am I able to think this way so clearly to myself but I can't seem to get my heart to follow? Every time my heart starts down the path to believing, my head jumps in with those recordings and it holds me back. I'm holding myself back. Claim it for what it is, right? Why am I holding myself back though? Why am I stopping myself? 

I see it as this world out there that is full of peace and tranquillity. (Not that I think it will solve all my problems, far from it) It's like home is out there and the door is wide open, but I can't seem to step through the door. Is it going to take something coming up behind me and kicking me through the door? 

How do I take the first step? 
How do I step through the door?
How do I take the leap of faith? 

There is a blog entry that I would love to read from someone out there that tells how they took that first step. I feel like it is all inside of me dying to get out, if I could just know how to take the first step. At least I would then have a place to begin because right now I don't have a clue where to begin. How do I start living this life not just reading about it? 

Well I am going to get myself to bed have to start my new *lesser* hours at work tomorrow. 

May your day be filled with many smiles. 

Mother Moon Giveaway!!!

Mother Moon is having a giveaway that will end on Halloween!! You really must go see all the goodies she is giving away. So adorable!! Love the bell charm. Think that would be great to hang up in the house. (should bring some added positive energy to help sale the house. I will use anything right about now. LOL) Please visit her blog if you get a chance, it is definitely worth the trip!!

 Mother Moons Giveaway!!

May your day be filled with many smiles!!!

Changes....

Usually changes don't settle very well with me. I am one of those people that like to be in a rut and have things be completely simple, hence the move back to Arkansas. But, this week has been full of changes and to me they are great ones. The house is officially on the market. The sign is up out front and it is listed on many websites. No calls yet, but they will come I am certain of it!!

My youngest daughter, Tashia, turned 21 last Tuesday. And Wednesday my eldest daughter, Becca, swore in for the Navy and will be leaving Dec. 14th to go to bootcamp.

Yesterday I went into work and found a schedule with my name highlighted on it and thought oh boy, here we go. My hours are always the same, in fact everyones is so there has never been a schedule printed up. The first thing I noticed was that I now have Tuesday and Wednesdays off, ok VERY  COOL!! Oh but wait, the store is closed on Sundays. Oh crap. And now I won't be going in till 10am and still get off at 2pm. HOURS CUT!!! At first I was freaking out a bit because that is a big cut and a lot less money. The more I thought about it though this could be a good thing. Means more time to work on my art and it also means that when the house does sale and I have to do that last bit of packing that I will have more time for it. So maybe the powers that be are getting things ready for me to do all these things. I had been wishing and hoping for a long time to just have two days off that are in a row and not spread out through the week. So this was an answer to my prayers.

Another change coming on Tuesday. I will be turning 43. OMG!! I'm so old!! And I'm sick right now and run down so I feel even older!! I know it isn't that old, but dang it right now it sure feels like it. So the first week of these new hours I won't be able to take full advantage of it I will spend most of it on the couch being sick. That part sucks!!

My mom did get me a gift certificate for a local stamp store yesterday for my birthday. WOOHOO! Haven't bought craft supplies in so long because we have been so broke, so this will be a nice change to be able to go get a few things. Namely some pinata inks. I have just a few colors, red and blue, and would like to get some more basic colors. There is a project I have been wanting to do with the inks, so now maybe I will be able to do it.

Well, I should get some things done around here and chance my grandson, AJ, around. Tashia went out last night for her 21st birthday and you know what that means. Told her to stay at her friends house last night after they went bar hopping, not only because of not wanting her driving, but also I didn't want AJ woken up by her being in the bathroom all night. LOL So, it's me and him today and of course he is getting into everything so time to wrangle up the boy and find something for him to do before he destroys the whole house.

May your day be filled with many smiles!!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Papers Are Signed!!!!

WOOHOO!!! I couldn't be happier. The realtor came over this evening to get all the papers signed to put the house on the market. Will be coming over tomorrow evening to take the pictures to put them on MLS, even said she was going to put it on Craigs List. So if anyone out there is looking for a double wide mobile home in the Rancho San Diego/El Cajon are then check it out real soon on MLS!!! She said to get ready for lots of phone calls, well I'm not sure it will be all that much, but who knows!!! Think positive!! She did say it was a great location and one that people are really wanting so that is definitely a plus in my court. I am selling it at a great price too, so that will definitely help.

I can't wait!!! If it would happen before Christmas that would be my ultimate fantasy!! To be back home by Christmas would be all the gift I need. Already started looking at house in that area and of course there are plenty that would be perfect for us. Right about now I would take a shack, just to be home is all that matters.

I was going through a bunch of other blogs last night and found a link to a store in Eureka Springs, which is the area we are moving back to, that is a Pagan/Wiccan Store. I was so excited!! It must have opened after I moved out of that area. I don't remember anything like that being there before. So, another added plus to going home. Heck maybe I will meet others that have the same beliefs.

I ended up staying up a little late last night because I was reading a book by Scott Cunningham. The one about being a solitary practitioner. Can't remember the title exactly. I love the way  he puts everything and also explains the difference in the religions. Well not really the differences. I was raised in Christian household and even attended Christian private schools, so that ideal is very much ground into my head. The way he explained doing a rite as it being the same as praying, that made sense to me and made me see that really they aren't all that different. I've struggled for quite sometime on everything that was pushed into my head and weeding them out of sort.

For years now going down this path has seemed like it was meant to be. Every new friend I get I find out they are Wiccan/Pagan. When I am questioning myself about this path I will see a "Coexist" bumper sticker or something else along that lines. It is like it is always being put in my face. I have had these thoughts and beliefs for quite some time, but didn't have for name to it. The more people I meet the more I see to be the same as mine. My biggest thing has always been that religion is a very personal choice and having some preacher tell me how I am supposed to talk to Spirits is just wrong. He is just a man, how can he know how I should have a relationship, especially one that is so special. I have always thought that the powers that be have only wanted us to be loving and caring to each other and with that everything else will fall in place. Isn't that the basics? Just be nice!!! But, I have never found a religion that that was all, there is always this list of rules when really they are just beating a dead horse. Bottom line it!! Be nice!! Society has put so much of their garbage in the mix as well. Like a creed I read and I won't say which one because I am just learning and don't want to offend anyone if I state it wrong, but as long as it harms none!! To me that makes so much sense.

Guess it's kind of like, leave the "rules" simple and then one can actually enjoy the "religion". Instead of running around and doing the points and balance thing you can actually honor the powers that be. Isn't that was gives the glow that we allow others to see. That is the true feelings that will shine through. I don't have to brag about what I did as a good person, they will see on my face that I am a happy person and the love that I have for the powers that be will shine on my face.

I know little weird to use the saying the powers that be, but like I said I am just starting out with my journey and haven't decided on much more than I finally going to head down this path without hesitation anymore. Lot of reading and research left to do and a ton of learning, so I'm not pinpointing anything at this time.

Well going to end this for now. Son of Anarchy is on and I can't miss that for anything.

Have a great evening and may your days be filled with smiles,


Julia

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Mrs. B is having a great give away from Marie Segal!!!

I have to say that Marie Segals work is a favorite of mine. I love her halloween stuff, so cute and adorable!!! So, if you get the chance you should really check out her work on her blog, not to mention all the great tutroials she offers. She is also offering a giveaway today as well of one of her bat necklaces, which happen to be my favorite. This is the link to her blog:   Going batty for Marie's bat necklace.

Today Mrs. B is offering a great giveaway!!! It is a rambling rune set by Marie Segal.

Here is the link to her giveaway:

Mrs. B Amazing Giveaway

Simple to add your name to the list for a possibility to win that beautiful set!!


 Take a minute to check out some amazing people and visit their blogs!!

Have a great day and may it be filled with many smiles.


Hugs to all,

Julia

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Just the beginning!!!

I finally have the time to sit and get this blog going. I have tried to get one of these going for so long but never could find the time to keep it going. I did realize that I was wanting to do too many posts in the past, so I am going to take the expectations off myself and just go with what gets done and be happy with it. 


Short bit about myself:


My name is Julia and currently I live in San Diego, though I am hoping that will be changing real soon, as I am hoping to sale my house and move back to Arkansas. But, everyone knows how the market is and who knows how long it will take to sale the place. I live with my youngest daughter and grandson, who will be going with me to Arkansas. She just recently got out of the Marine Corps and like me is ready to get back to the simple life where you wake up to cows mooing instead of the constant stream of traffic going by. My eldest daughter lives in San Diego as well, but is in the process of joining the Navy so she can go to college. She lives with her soon to be husband, who couldn't be a more perfect match for her. They all are my pride and joys and couldn't imagine a life without them!! 


I am a widow of almost three years now. Though I look back over the past three years and think it seems like an eternity, having a simple dream about my husband, like I did the other night, has made me realize that the pain is fresh and seems like it always will be. First thought through my mind after the dream was, "I will never get over him." Though I know that logically I will never get "over" him. I guess sometimes the heart goes numbs and it feels like it will then it comes slamming back in your face so quickly to remind you that it never will. But, I keep pushing on and moving forward. 


I work at Napa Auto Parts as a delivery driver. I love my job. To me there is not much around this world as peaceful as getting in a car and driving, so to be able to get paid to do it is all the more better. My job is my way of paying the bills, but is far from being my life's dream. That would be art. My art is my serenity and my true passion. If I could get paid to do that I would quit auto parts in a heartbeat. 


My main medium is polymer clay to put in jewelry, but also work with resin and seed beads as well. I also love to do scrap booking, painting, gourds, mixed media collage, and a list a mile long of other things. 



I just got home from four fun filled days of polymer clay at Sandy Camp. A retreat the San Diego Polymer Clay Guild puts on every year. It was amazing as always and such a way to boost that muse that all artists have. We have multiple demos a day by multiple artists. Everyone of them was very inspiring and gave me new ways of looking at clay and more things to do with it. I do have a few pictures that I am going to share. 



This was the view out of the back patio of my hotel room. It was so quiet with just the birds to keep me company. There were tons of humming birds as well, so beautiful and graceful the way they darted around without a care in the world. 


 
These are a little blurry but you get the idea. This is a little box that I made while at Sandy Camp. One of the demos that was given by Victoria was making these little boxes using a cookie cutter. Seeing it done in the demo made it so much easier to make these. The white in the picture darkened a little when I baked them, giving it more of a darker, gothic feel. Which actually makes me very happy as I am a dark and gothic type of person. The turquoise in the center is actually Swarovski crystal, just to give it that little bit of sparkle. 




 Again pictures are a little blurry, my cell phone camera isn't the best. This is a little pond that I still need to put the resin in for the water. This demo was taught my Christi Friesen, who is so amazing at teaching and has to be the funniest person to learn from. She breaks everything down so that us of lesser talent can understand and accomplish it. This was a lot of fun as well and as she said very addictive. I can definitely see more of these being made in the near future.




Faces in bezels. Dawn Schiller taught this demo. I had taken a class of hers a couple of years back and this class helped me remember how much I loved sculpting!!! The one of the left was my first attempt, as you can see I got a lot better with the second one. When I was finishing up the first one I took it to Dawn for some tips and she did like two little things and it made it all the better. The second one I did in my order, eyes first of course, but the rest I did in my order and for me it worked a lot better. 




This is a steampunk gravestone. I have been into making these little gravestones. It's a finding that Marie and Howard Segal sale at The Clay Factory (www.clayfactory.net) I've had these findings for quite sometime and I kept looking at them and didn't know what I could do with them. Yes they are shaped like little gravestones, but I kept wanting to go a different way. I finally gave in to the gravestone idea and just went for it, now I can't stop making them. I thought the word clunk would be the word that you would use if a steampunk had broken or passed on to gear heaven. 




There are other things that I learned there but haven't gotten a chance to try them out yet. I plan on getting to it real soon though and will post pictures when I get some of those things done. 

Well I need to go sit and relax a bit before Sons of Anarchy comes on!!! WooHoo, SOA night!!! Love that show! What can I say, deep down inside I'm just a biker wench (yes, I cleaned that up.)

Have a great week and may your days be filled with many smiles!!! 


Julia