Friday, January 28, 2011

Few Things To Share...

So I ordered me a couple of books last night. "The Craft" by Dorothy Morrison and "The Craft Companion" by Dorothy Morrison as well. Both of which were a recommendation by the wonderful Velma Nightshade and her amazing PodCast "WitchesBrewHaHa". Might be a few weeks before I get them but I can be patient....sometimes. LOL If you do get a chance check out Velmas' podcast, it is so much fun and full of great information. 

I am adjusting well to living alone again. I must have forgotten how wonderful this actually is and how much more art I can get finished. I got quite a few pieces done on Wednesday. Am working on a whole black and white series of jewelry with just a hint of color in the Swarovski that I place in the piece. I am really liking the look of these pieces. Another thing that I found out is that if I get a piece all done and I don't think it would make a good pendant or jewelry of some sort, too large what have you, it will make a great magnet for the fridge. LOL. So now not only do I have quite a few necklaces done but my fridge is looking beautiful. One hot fridge if you ask me!! I can't remember where I put my camera but as soon as I find it again I will get some pictures taken and put up here to share with everyone. 

Though I am having a great week emotionally (besides today more on that later) and mentally, physically it has been pretty horrible. One thing is that something funky is going on with my thumb. It's got a very strange feeling to it, almost swollen tingly feeling and it hurts in the nail bed area thing. Have no idea what it's called. But it's weird and of course I am going with the whole thing of "if I ignore will go away". I know not the smartest thing to do but living with Fibro for 20 years I just got to the point of not getting my panties in a wad with every little thing. Costs less in medical bills, especially for a doctor to tell me it's nothing, not paying to hear that for the thousandth time. 

The part that is horrible this week is my jaw. I swear I have TMJ in fact pretty dang positive that I do. This week it is playing havoc on me. So much pain and of course this time it has my jaw out of line. That part doesn't hurt unless of course I try to eat or speak. I am eating very soft foods, which helps a little but sure doesn't fill the tummy very well especially when I am craving a big fat juicy steak this week. The one thing that would kill me with pain is the one thing I really want. The speaking part....well I'm a delivery driver so that kind of works as I am in a car 90% of the time by myself, so there isn't anyone to talk to anyway other than myself and that just looks weird driving down the road. I am trudging through and am slowly getting to the point that the pain is waning with everyday so hopefully I will be all better real soon. I know it is from the stress of last week, I grind my teeth when I sleep and stressed and that's what brings it about for me. I am working on being more conscious when I am grinding them so that is helping as well. Oh heck I will be better soon and will move on with things. 

My daughter informed me this evening that she took a statement that I jokingly say all the time and said it at her church and the preacher thought it was hysterical and then used it in his Sunday sermon. Ok.......stop and think about this. A statement a Pagan made is being used in a church sermon. That's funny!! Though they have used Pagan holidays and probably some of our statements in the past, I still find this hysterical. I told her not to inform them that it came from a Pagan, just wouldn't end well. Now the statement is one I'm sure everyone has heard, I believe I heard it from a comedian years ago, I think don't remember. The statement is "The old are only cramming for finals". If this offends anyone...I'm really I'm not. it's a joke and it's funny and true. I see my own mother run to church on Sundays and I clearly see she is just getting her studying done for the week. 

Did I happen to mention I get really REALLY punchy when I am in pain. Very cynical and a whole lot of bi***ness going on. As I would tell my hubby...."Welcome to my world, please have a wonderful ride on the "Julia is in pain don't mess with her" crazy ride. 

Anyway I digress I just thought it was funny that the preacher used this statement to point out to his followers that one shouldn't be "cramming for finals". Good luck with that one and glad I could help. LOL

Ok now I have to get to the sad part of my day. Today would have marked my 22nd wedding anniversary. These days never get easier. I deal with this one and the anniversary of his death and his birthday by just making it through the day without a total break down. I noticed the date when I was filling out papers in front of a mechanic well that isn't exactly the best time to have a moment. So as I walked to my car after leaving the mechanic my eyes started to tear and a lump in my throat began to swell. I looked up to the sky and said "Happy Anniversary Papa" (that's what I called him because he was an old man). Couldn't lose it then as I had another stop that was only a few minutes away and swollen and bloodshot eyes don't go well with mechanics. They freak out and stand there in total silence as they don't do well with emotions. They don't talk to people very often just cars. So I had to just swallow it and let it go. That part is hard as well, not being able to let the emotions go when they come about. They don't happen very often but it makes it worse when you have to swallow them. Fortunes of working with mostly men but I'm getting used to it. The day had it's low moments like this one but I can say with pride that I made it through another "remembrance" day. I know the pain won't be less as I go through each of them in the future but I do know that how I react to them will get better over the years to come. 

Now the anniversary of his death is a day I take off from work. That is the day that all the memories of that horrible day come flooding back to me and being at work when that happens is not a good idea. I usually just take the day to work on art because of everything I do in my life, my art is the one thing that Chuck would be the most pushy about me continuing. So to honor him on that day I work on my art. It is also a great thing to be focused on, lot more positive than focusing on that horrible day. That day is right around the corner too so I tend to get a bit anxious about it when it gets close.  I know there will be tears that day but there will also be art. Tears and art isn't a completely horrible thing to have in a day so I will just go with it and make it through another milestone. 

Well it's almost time for bed and I could go for some mindless TV before I have to hit the hay. I hope all of you have a wonderful evening and some much needed sleep for those of you not sleeping well. (You know who you are *wink*)

And as always....

May your day be filled with many smiles and blessings!!!

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad you have your art. It will help you get through this. Grief is a slow process, as with all things that only change with time.

    I think you'll like those books. I have The Craft - I like her rhyming invocations, ritual texts.

    Your jaw - maybe you are clenching while you sleep. I did that for a while and it is very painful - but it's also not good for your teeth. The dentist might be able to help this by grinding down the contact area a bit. Maybe it's worth a visit. There are also night guards, but the over the counter ones are terrible. It's better to have the dentist make one for you.